what is wrong with me?
I think, maybe more than anything, I crave consistent attention, affection, and validation…and my world and emotional well-being begin dismantling when I’m not receiving these things.
I wish so badly that I could feel satiated and content without these constant external distractions, because that’s precisely what they are… instead of dealing with any troubling issues I’m always recklessly thrusting myself into more chaos and convolution, indulging my vices. I suppose I take a bit of comfort in knowing that they’re not the most destructive of vices-in fact I think I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I’m looking for from engaging in some of these complicated, less than favorable situations…but why is it that I feel so inclined to—even incapable of giving up—these sorts of interactions and supplements for happiness?
out of control lately and I’m not even sure I can pinpoint the motivations behind it…are there even any legitimate ones? Bluuurgh at times like these I just feel seriously, irrevocably fucked up.
Sometimes lately, I feel like when I look at people in the eyes they can tell how much sadness hums inside of me, makes my bones ache, and my body crave to be wrapped up too tight inside of someone elses’ arms. It’s not the same breed of hollow, debilitating sadness that used to permeate my life like a opaque fog…it actually feels quite the opposite in some aspects…I feel too full, like I’m aware of too much. Maybe too much about myself and human nature in general.
Growing up. ain’t nothing special I spose.
upload on Flickr.
new dagger tats from my boi
Edward Olive - Ariela
Christoph Waltz for Vogue Italy
House Between Rocks, 1963. Photo by Werner Stuhler.
Mati Unt, Things in the Night (via mythologyofblue)
escape on Flickr.
Josef Hoflehner, Dragon’s Blood Trees, Study 1, Socotra
William Gale Gedney, Girl standing on desk in courtyard, performing for a seated girl, ca. 1955